Suicide Note
by noticemehsenpai
Summary: After all, he was the reason why is she still living here in earth. / AU LENKU FANFICTION. Rated T for attempted suicide and other things mentioned inside. Two shot!
1. Suicide Note

**Warning: Rated for narrative self harm and attempted suicide. This is not that depressing dont worry.**

* * *

 **Len.**

I stood there in the altar, waiting patiently for the most beautiful bride that I have ever seen in my whole entire life- she was my friend, bestfriend, girlfriend, fiance, bride and soon to be wife just now, Miku Hatsune.

As our theme song for each other, Everything's Alright, was heard in the whole church. My twin sister was the one who was singing it with the help of our two friends Meiko and Luka, they were the one who's playing the instruments: violin and piano. I smiled. This is it. The day that I can completely call her mine.

 _Short steps,_

 _Deep breath,_

 _Everything is alright,_

She was slowly walking in the long aisle together with her older brother, Mikuo, her arms were intertwined with his. I just cant help but blush. Nobody knows how thankful I was that I met this girl. Meeting her was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

 _Chin up,_

 _I cant,_

 _Step into the spotlight,_

I admired her beauty while she was slowly walking in the aisle. She was wearing a long white A-line shaped silky gown that was reaching the red carpet that she's walking to. Her hair was loose down and a little silver tiara with a bunch of diamonds was on the top of her head with a long veil complimenting her long teal hair. Over all, she's totally breath taking.

 _She said,_

 _Im sad,_

 _Somehow without any words,_

 _I just,_

 _Stood there,_

 _Searching for an answer,_

She was close, a couple of inches away from me. Another smile crept into my lips as soon as I saw my beautiful bride getting closer every step that she is taking.

 _When this world is no more,_

 _The moon is all we'll see,_

 _I'll ask you, to fly away with me_

Finally, she has reached the altar. Mikuo then transferred Miku's arms into mine and tapped my shoulders saying the words,

"Take care of my baby sister, Len. I trust you,"

I nodded. I turned my gaze into the beautiful girl beside me as she flashed a smile at me. I silently chuckled. I am the luckiest guy ever.

 _And when the stars all fall down,_

 _They empty from the sky,_

 _But I dont mind,_

 _If you're with me,_

 _Then everything's alright,_

The piano and violin went into the outro, Rin has cut the song off since my bride is beside me already. I looked at my twin sister as she raised her thumbs up. I smiled and mouthed her thank you.

The pastor cleared his throat, causing us to get more attention from everyone.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together in this beautiful afternoon with this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, and therefore is not by any to be entered upon, nor taken In hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained. In short, we are gathered today here to witness them exchange vows of their everlasting love," the pastor said causing everyone to laugh a bit because of his hidden humour, Miku and I laughed a bit as well.

"Matrimony was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, in both prosperity and adversity. Into which estate these two persons present come now to be joined." He paused, "Therefore if any man can show any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace." He continued, everyone went silent.

I started to get nervous.

What if someone barges into our best day and refuse Miku and I to get married?

Or someone from our friends or family will split us up?

But I noticed that everyone was just silent. Meaning- no one objected.

I sighed in relief and chuckled silently, Seriously, What am I thinking? Those only happen in movies and novels.

The pastor laughed at my reaction but continued to speak,

"Wilt thou, Len Kagamine, have this woman to be thy wedded wife? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as you both shall live?" The pastor said looking at me. I looked down at my bride, she was biting her lip.

I smiled, "I will."

"Wilt thou, Miku Hatsune, have this man to be thy wedded husband? Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honour, and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as you both shall live?" The pastor once again asked, but it was for Miku now. She looked at me as well and flashed another smile, as her cheeks were quite flushed.

"I will," she said as I grinned. We now exchanged our rings.

"I now pronounce you, Mr. and Mrs. Kagamine," The pastor said, smiling at us. "You may now kiss the bride."

A smirk slowly crept into my lips as I soon heard the sentence, _'You may now kiss the bride.'_ , Miku blushed furiously while the smirk remains in my lips.

I smashed my lips into hers as I cupped her cheeks and closed my eyes, savoring the sweet taste of it. She was taken aback but responded anyways. Closing her eyes as well as she snaked her arms into my neck.

After a couple of seconds we both pulled back catching our breaths. Everybody cheered for us. I looked at her eyes and she looked at mine.

"I love you, Mrs. Kagamine," I whispered our forehead were touching. She giggled.

"I love you too, Mr. Kagamine," she said as we shared another kiss. A short but passionate one.

* * *

After the ceremony in the church, all of us headed into the wedding reception which is held into the one of the most famous hotels here in Japan. Me and my wife are in the love seat, my arms were on her waist hugging her body protectively while her hands were on my thighs. Our friends and family were starting to give us sweet and funny messages and wished us to be happy and have a thousand lenku babies as they say. Miku and I just cant stop laughing at their ridiculousness.

Once all of their speeches have finished the caterers have come rushing in from the big doors carrying various cuisines in their hands that we have chosen specially for them when we were still planning our wedding.

"Are you hungry or thirsty? Or do you want anything? Tell me, I'll get it for you." I said, she shook her head and laugh a bit.

"No, I have what I wanted already." She said as she hugged me side wards whilst resting her head into my broad chest. I chuckled and stroke her teal hair and ran it into my fingers smoothly,

"If you say so," I said. She giggled as she took out something from her pouch... it was a senescent paper. She looked up at me and handed me the paper.

I hesitatingly took it and look at her,

"What is this?" I asked in curiosity, she pouted but the hint of sadness showing in her eyes, "I dont want to talk about it. But you can read it first then I'll explain to you," she said, I shrugged and started to read but got off when she spoke again, "I wish that you will not look at me as a filthy woman if you finished reading it, I hope you will still love me." She said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

What is the content of this piece of paper that she has said things like that?

I started to get nervous and my heart started to beat so fast and loud that it feels like it wanted to jump out of me.

I decided to start reading the paper she handed me. It was her handwriting. The content of this paper is written by her and shockingly this paper is already old.

 ** _July 13, 2008_**

 ** _Today is the day that Im gonna be happy and be free. Today... I will commit suicide and this is my suicide note. Its hard to write something like this especially when your tears are blurring your vision. I dont know if someone will be able to read my nonsense note since I am unwanted by everyone. But to whoever who is reading my note- If you're reading this I might be dead already. You see.. I was once a jolly and a happy girl... that was when I was eight years old though. But when I reached 16 years old, my life went upside down. My parents died, my brother shut everyone out of his life, and I was unwanted by everyone. I have no friends and nobody was loving me. Nobody loves me... anymore. Because of frustration, I started to cut myself since I have once read that cutting yourself gives you pleasure and will make you erase the nightmares from you. I enjoyed, I continued it. But I realized cutting myself is not enough. Why? Because the nightmare really never ends. The nightmares get worser and worser every passing day. So, I decided to make a move and kill myself. Suicide. Suicide is the best answer for all of my problems. Suicide is the one that I needed. They say suicide is not an option.. but they never gave you a better one. So I came up with this. Anyway, you, yes you who is reading this, dont worry, Im happy with my decision. Oh, I remember. No one gives a damn in my life anymore. That's the main reason anyway why I want to be vanished by space and time._**

 ** _If you reached the very end, then I'm thankful. Since for the first time someone cared for me. Bye._**

 ** _-Miku Hatsune, the girl who is unwanted._**

I noticed that my cheeks were already wet from my hot tears. My hands were shaking. So this was what Miku is hiding from me. All of those sleepless nights that we had whenever she stays with me, all of the nightmares she had was... this? I cant imagine her being like this. I mean, she's different right now. She's happy, cheerful, jolly and caring... and her brother is normal right now as well. I didnt know such thing happened to her.

"I-I'm sorry, Len..." she said, pulling away from me and grasping her gown. "For all these years I didn't want you to know how foolish and unstable I was back when we met. But even though you didn't know, you saved me. See? The date... that was when the day we met when I bumped into you. I don know why I mentioned this topic to you, but I felt like I had to since you are a big part of my life. You are the reason, why I changed and my brother welcomed me in his arms once again.. all I want to say is thank you, Im sorry... and I love you. I hope your love still remains though," she said as her voice broke.

I looked at her with awe and I took a deep breath. I held her cheeks and made her look into my quite swollen eyes. She was tearing up as well,

"I dont care about the past, Miku. I mean, I care for you and I really wish that I was there back then to comfort you. But it doesn't mean that the moment I learned about your past I wont gonna love you anymore. Whatever you are, whatever you do, whatever you did, I will still love you. Because you know why?" I asked as I pushed a strand of her hair to the back of her ear. She shook her head. I gave her a small smile.

"Because you're my life, you're my everything, you're my strength, you're my weakness, you're my beloved girlfriend, my beautiful wife, the mother of my future children.. and I love you," I said as our forehead's meet, she looked at my eyes. She was tearing up but she was smiling sweetly and innocently.

"I love you too, Len. I really do. You are the reason why I am still here in the earth... alive." She said as she chuckled in the last word of her sentence, I nodded and wiped her tears away using my thumb.

"Now, dont cry anymore. I'm here. There's someone who loves you. And that someone is me. I will be here forever with you," I said and she nodded. I hugged her and rub her back trying to make her calm. I started to look at the paper in my hands and folded it as I hid it in my pocket.

 ** _Today, my wife handed me a suicide note when she was 16._**

 ** _It was dated the exact day we met each other._**


	2. Before I Met You

**Miku.**

When I was 8 years old, I was one of the people who think that suicide is ridiculous and irrelevant to life. I always thought that its impossible for 'me' to do something like that. I always thought that life is always beautiful. I always thought that life is perfect for me since I am happy and contented.

But as I said, I 'was' once an innocent soul who doesnt know why people do something suicidal. When I reach the 16th stage of my life, this is where everything started to fuck up and my heart shattered into a thousand -no, million pieces and I dont know if I would be able to put all of it back together. My parents died and my brother shunned me. But without further ado, I am Miku Hatsune-Kagamine, Im going to tell a story about a suicidal girl who met a guy that she never thought would mend her broken heart and her ruined life.

* * *

 _ **Fri, 3 July 2008**_

I walked past the people in the airport, pushing everyone and anyone, not caring who it was, I was in a hurry. As I walk, I felt the adrenaline rush in my body. I was eager to get pass through the crowds of people, I need to see them. I need to see my parents. As I felt the space being wide and I was able to breathe well, I run towards the information desk frantically.

"Miss, What happened to Flight 602?" I asked anxiously. She was shocked by my sudden appearance but answered my question anyway.

"Flight 602 lose control and crashed, all of the passengers died and a few crew on board survived."

By that, I felt my whole world crushed. I was frozen at my place and I couldnt move. But then, I caught myself shaking and I was in complete hysteria. I snapped back into reality slamming my hands into the desk.

"No! Are you sure? This cant be! My parents are in there!" I snarled, she was taken a back and shook her head.

"Im sorry ma'am, but I was told that everyone from Flight 602 except for the crew workers were dead already. You may check the list by the side," she told me calmly, pointing at the side of the information desk.

My body moved on its own, It automatically scanned the list. As I look for their names, my eyes got wide. I felt a hot feeling in my cheeks when I realized that it was my tears. It wasnt tears of joy, tears of desperation. I wouldnt know what to do anymore, I am only sixteen.

"Ma'am, are you one of the victims relatives?" A woman asked me, I wiped my tears and nodded.

"We are the rescue team, we are going to send your deceased relatives in the funeral chapter near to your home. So please do fill up the form over here." She said, I nodded and fill everything up as fast as I could. As soon as I finished, I thanked her. I ran afterwards, I need to tell my brother.

As I got home, the lights were all off. I shook my head. He couldnt be doing it again. You see, my brother is in the pace of being addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. Our parents never knew. I tried to stop him though, but he doesnt want to. I rushed to his room and found him sitting in front of his window and smoking. I came in without permision and sat at the edge of his bed. I cleared my throat to gain his attention, which succeeded.

"Miku... what are you doing in my room?" Mikuo asked, shocked. I looked at him in his eyes directly and once again I felt the tears started to roll down my cheeks.

"Mikuo... mama and papa... they are dead already! The airplane they were riding crashed! They left us already!" I frantically cried. His eyes widen in shock. I knew he was as shock as me the first time I heard the news. Now... its only the two of us.

* * *

 _ **Monday, 6 July 2008**_

My parents bodies are already here. Here in the funeral home nearest to our house. The past two days, I dialled the number of our relatives from my mama's side and papa's side. Hoping for them to come to the burial of my parents. The funeral home decided to bury my parents fast since no one was helping me planning everything. I couldnt rely on my brother, he wasnt taking all of this very well leaving me alone managing everything.

They started to lift the bier from its stand and placed it in the hearse... for the final journey of my parents. My aunt's, uncles and cousins tried to comfort me but it wasnt working. My brother on the other side was as frustrated as I am, Im afraid to see him getting worse with his addictions. As we arrived at the cemetery, they carried the bier and started the funeral.

The minister stood in-front, catching everyone's attention including me. We sat at the chairs and listened to his message and comforting words. But I caught myself not listening at all. I was dazed off.

What will happen to us now?

All of our relatives aren't even close to us, Im sure nobody would take us.

I was nervous. Because of this situation, My whole life will change.

I stopped over thinking when I felt a tap in my shoulders. It was time to bury my parents in the ground, we stood up as we heard our names being called by the minister. They opened the bier. This is the last viewing of my parents. As I stood in-front of the bier, there goes my tears once again.

"Thanks for everything mama and papa. We love you so much." I whispered. My emotions going haywire. I really dont know what to do after this.

* * *

 _ **Thursday, 9 July 2008**_

Two days passed since my parents funeral. Since then, life has never been normal. I came home always with my brother smoking pot this time. I expected this. My brother is always emotionally weaker than me, I know he would do this soon and Im not in the place to stop him. This was his decision and so be it. I wasnt trying to be lenient, but my brother and I have our own lives. And this is what he chose. He's not a kid anymore to be lectured nor a marionette that needs to be controlled.

As of me, my teacher told me to take a break of studying. She knows that I am forever hurt. Im really happy though that I am home schooled, at least there's something good that happened in my life.

I headed to the kitchen and looked at the available ingredients at the fridge, I guess the only thing I could cook is omelet. I started to do the said dish quickly and swiftly. My brother doesnt go to the dining table anymore, so I always bring him food and leave it in front of his room. Now, I was in-front of his door and was about to knock when I heard him talking to his self.

"Because of her everything turned out like this. I dont want to be her brother. I dont want her to be my sister. Why did you not take me mama? Papa? I should've died with you as well."

The only person in my life that makes me feel alive doesnt want me. Tears started to pour once again in my eyes. I left the tray in-front of his door, not even bothering knocking.

I'm not over acting. His words hurt and it pierces my heart even more. _Those words you dont expect being said by the people you love. Heh. How ironic._

* * *

 _ **Saturday, 11 July 2008**_

I haven't ate for a day. I dont have the courage nor the guts to eat anymore. Mama, Papa, Mikuo. All of them are the love of my life. They were the people that makes me happy and alive. Now that my mother and father died and my brother doesnt want me. What's more to life?

I started cutting myself. It wasnt painful at all. I feel peace when the blade hits my wrists all the time. I do this many times a day. At first of course it would hurt, but when you continue to scar yourself pleasure will take over your whole system. Im happy that I found my happiness. But I know this isnt enough. _This is not the only thing I want. I want more than scarring myself._

* * *

 _ **Sunday, 12 July 2008**_

Two days without eating, Im quite shock that I am still alive. Yesterday because of pleasure I cut myself too much, the blood were flowing from my wrists to my whole body. The pleasure of cutting myself has slowly drained out, I felt that there is something more I need to seek. The one that would give me peace.

I browsed through the internet, this is the place where you will find the answer for everything right?

I typed,

 ** _'Things to do when you are depressed'_**

Many results came out, but I chose the first webpage that popped out. I read the content and saw a bunch of things... that is not related to cutting. Hm, strange. It only says here few things about yoga stuff and relaxation. Is this site kidding me? This is not what I want. I was about to close it when a note in the end caught my attention.

 _ **'NOTE: Never do cutting nor suicide, its never an answer for your problems.'**_

Then an idea popped into my head.

There you have it.

Suicide.

Yes.

This must be it.

 _ **Monday, 13 July 2008**_

I just finished writing my suicide note, an open letter to anyone who would ever see this.

For the past hours, I've tried to find the true meaning of life. Hoping that I would be spared. But Im afraid I wasnt able to find it. There's nothing for me to do here too in earth. I dont have friends, I dont have parents and my brother shunned me away. So dont even think that Im doing things fast. No. I thought about this and a couple of hours is enough for me to know the answer. Suicide, indeed.

 _I want to end it already. I want to be happy._

I didnt want to commit suicide in my own home, so I decided to go to the bridge. Maybe jumping over there would be, I dont know, fun?

Without permision, I left the house bringing only the note that I wrote and myself, heading to the bridge. I was thinking of letting myself be hit by a car, but I dont want anyone to be involved with my selfishness. I also thought of drinking poison or something, but I dont want my brother to be scarred again. So I decided me jumping at a 200 meter bridge would be fair for everyone in the world. Nobody would be at fault but _me._

 _I'm sorry bridge for involving you with my disappearance here in the world. I'm sure God will forgive you since you are to expose a trash like me._

I was already near at the bridge.

Little more steps and I'm there.

That is when I bumped into someone that made me fell down in the ground.

With that, I felt myself getting dizzy. Is this the effect of not eating for days and cutting myself? The impact of my fall and the side effects of my carelessness must be kicking in.

I looked up and saw a blurry vision of a man with blonde hair. He was glowing and shining. He knelt down and tried shaking me. When he discovered that I'm too weak to respond, he wrapped his arms around me and carried me. His warmth was comforting and soothing. I liked it. So so much.

He was like a knight rescuing a damsel in distress like me.

 _If he were to be a knight, I wont let him rescue someone like me._

 _I wont let him carry someone like me._

 _But today. Just for today. If he were to be a knight. Can I pretend that I'm a princess that he needs to save?_

"Hang in there, miss, don't sleep on me. Geez. Why would you faint just by a single fall?"

That was the last thing I heard as I felt myself getting engulfed by the darkness. The funny thing is I was smiling even though I just met him.

 _ **Who could've known that this guy who helped me that day would also be the one who help me to surpass everything? He made me re new life. Think about life for the second time. Going back to square one. Reconsidering the reason why was I born and why was I given life? I dont know how can I repay him, but I can never be more thankful to someone other than him, Len Kagamine. My best friend, my savior, my knight in shining armor and my husband**._


End file.
